This moment in time

Dear you, you and you.

Stop having those ready-made ideas about me.

"She would never go with Daddy on his scooter !" Well seems I did, and I survived, even though I wasn't very fierce at the beginning.

"She will never apply for her driving license !" Well yes I did. Just needed time for it.

"You would never dye your hair !" Well maybe I will, when I want to ! I even know what colour.

"You will never go and see a shrink even though you need to !" I will. When I'm ready. I did it last year. I waited till I felt I was ready, then I went. And then I got better. And then that thing in June happened, but for now I feel better on my own.

You don't understand. You don't seem to. You all have those ideas about what I will and what I will not do, and then you are so surprised when I don't do what you expected me to. I can be whoever I want to be, and I will still be me.

So yes, for now I'm the girl who lost her mummy six months ago and is recovering from it - painfully, angrily, very slowly, but recovering. But I know I will get through this, with or without help. And this does not mean that I will stop living - I haven't, in case you haven't noticed.

Because at the same time I'm still the 19-year-old girl trying to enjoy her studies and planning her future.

With love,

Me.